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But nobody appreciates my baby
(photo credits here)


P
OINTLESS SONGS
by Eric Nakao

(Click title above lyrics for MIDI audio. If plug-in error, click OK, OK, delete window, then click title again.)

Arrivederci
Beavertown
Boob bottoms
But nobody appreciates my baby
Chill, bro, chill
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Ducks, ducks, ducks
Fauxverture
Five o'clock shadow
The gift of music
Hello, hello. it's me
He's tired
Hey neighbor
If you don't want to see me cry, you'd better shut the door.
I'm an old guy
It's a little pungent
It's just a post-cold-war world - Pick a bale of cotton.
I've got nothing left to do
Loch Lomond
Moo moo moo went the cow cow cow
My baby stinks
My old Kentucky home
Oh, I despise America
Oh, sometimes I wish I was Christian
Only attractive people go out on a Saturday night
People just love me
Pig sty
The pigeons are gonna getcha
Rrrrr! - Just can't stop a love like that!
Sex in the brain
We're just people, too
Why can't we be bags together?
Wither away
You and I will never be stuck inside a teapot



Fauxverture
(instrumental)



Oh, Sometimes I Wish I Was Christian

Oh, sometimes I wish I was Chri-i-stian.
Oh, what a good life that would be.
I'd live by the Golden Rule every day
And bear my cross peacefully.
And the girls are so lovely, lovely,
Their virgin lips unkissed
By worry, fear, protected by
A communal Christian bliss.

Oh, sometimes I wish I was Jew-ewish.
Oh, what a good life that would be.
I live by the To-orah every day
And live my life peacefully.
And the girls are so lovely, lovely,
Their virgin lips unkissed
By worry, fear, protected by
A communal Jewish bliss.


Hello, Hello. It's Me
(Lyrics in red type are spoken.)

Hello, hello. It's me.
Hello, hello. It's me.
Hello, hello. It's me.
Hello, hello. It's me.
Woo!



Rrrrr! - Just Can't Stop A Love Like That!
(Lyrics in red type are spoken. Just Can't Stop A Love Like That! is a shouted-out-type rap song. Notes represent timing of lyrics.)

The time is near.
The days grow colder.
You look within
And find you're older
Than you'd really like to be
In all your broken dreams

There's nothing you
Can do to change
The looking glass
That rearranges
Everything that you desired,
So many years ago.

Then rrrrr. Rrrrr!
Something in your heart begins to stirrrrr!
Then to hell with all the consequences
That you may incur.
It's rrrrr. Rrrrr! RRRRR!

Just can't stop a love like that!
Just can't stop a love like that!
Just can't stop a love like that!

A-when ya sees a-somethin' that ya need,
You gotsta grab it with both hands and squeeze.
And pop it in your mouth just like a Cheez-it
And ease it.
Then freeze it.
Then sleeze it. Woo!

Just can't stop a love like that!
Just can't stop a love like that!
Just can't stop a love like that!



Oh, I Despise America

Oh, I despise America.
America. America.
Oh, I despise America.
America, USA.

For in the land of open space,
The human race, Election Day,
Big stores, big prisons all conspire
To make the world go 'round.

Oh, I despise America.
America. America.
Oh, I despise America.
America, USA.



Arrivederci
(For version with notes between lines, click here)

Arrivederci, a mi amoré,
A mi amore.
Arrivederci, a mi amoré,
A mi amore.
Arrivederci, arrivederci,
A mi amoré,
Arrivederci, arrivederci,
A mi amore.




It's Just A Post-Cold War World - Pick A Bale Of Cotton
(
Lyrics in red type are spoken.)

When my father was a young boy,
He sailed the Seven Seas
In search of freedom and of gold –
A land of opportunity.
(A land of opportunity.)

And when he found America,
He knew that he could be
A man of substance, goals and dreams –
A wife, home, a family.
(A wife, home, a family.)
The land of opportunity.

But now, it's just a post-Cold-War world.
(It's just a post-Cold-War world.)
It's just a post-Cold-War world.
(It's just a post-Cold-War world.)
When your body starts a-shakin'
And your fever starts a-breakin',
Then you know that it's just a post-Cold-War world.

When the Soviet Union died.
(When the Soviet Union died.)
And Roosevelt welfare, too.
(And Roosevelt welfare, too.)

But we still have Social Security
And pension plans as a surety.
Isn't that Communist theory, too?

That's Communist theory for the middle class.
(That's Communist theory for the middle class.)
So that's OK.
(So that's OK.)
But when it comes down to the poorest,
Then you'd better join the chorus
And just say that it's just a post-Cold-War world.

So jump down. Turn around.
Pick a bale of cotton.
Haa!
So jump down. Turn around.
Pick a bale all day.

Oh, mammy!
Pick a bale of cotton.
Oh, mammy!
Pick a bale all day.

Me and my partner can
Pick a bale of cotton.
Haa!
Me and my partner can
Pick a bale all day.

Oh, mammy!
Pick a bale of cotton.
Oh, mammy!
Pick a bale all day.

We're going downtown
To pick a bale of cotton.
Haa!
We're going downtown
To pick a bale all day.
Haaaa!




If You Don't Want To See Me Cry, You'd Better Shut The Door

If you don't want to see me cry,
You'd better shut the door
Cuz I think that I'm about
To start just like before.

I just don't know why you can't see
When I am feeling blue
Cuz when you're down,
You know that I
Am right down there with you.

It's not something
I like to say,
But when I feel sad
In this old wa-ay.

I know that you're not mean or cruel,
You just say what you say.
It's just that I do sometimes wish
My life could go another way.

So if love
Is something in
Which you do not believe.
And if you don't want to see me cry . . .
If you don't want to see me cry-y . . .
Then you'd better shut the door or leave.




Beavertown

You're in Beavertown, California.
You're in Beavertown, USA..
You're in Beavertown, California.
You're in Beavertown, Beavertown, Beavertown,
Beavertown.
Beavertown, Beavertown, Beavertown, Beavertown.
Beavertown, Beavertown, Beavertown, Beavertown.




Ducks, Ducks, Ducks

Ducks, ducks, ducks.
So happy and peaceful are we.
Ducks, ducks, ducks.
Contented and loving and free.
In our world
There never is worry or fear.
We glide o'er the water,
Our sons and our daughters
Swim in a straight line at our tails.
A quack or two as we assail

Nuts, bugs, bread.
The apples of our roving eyes.
In our heads,
The heavenly morsels we prize.
Watch us swoon
As we settle down to our meals.
With loving embraces,
We scoop up the traces
Of kindnesses left in our trails,
Content from our heads to our tails.

Quack, quack, quack.
The words that all ducks love to say.
Off our backs,
Each droplet of rain rolls away.
In a groove,
Our lives couldn't be more serene.
When winter approaches
And darkness encroaches,
We fly off like birds on a wing.
Instinctively knowing
Where we should be going.
We'll see you next year in spring.




My Old Kentucky Home
(instrumental)



The Pigeons Are Gonna Getcha
(Lyrics in red type are spoken. Lyrics in green type are spoken or
sung-spoken.
)

Think you're pretty clever.
Brighter than the sky.
When trouble rears its ugly head,
You punch it in the eye.


First or second, third or last,
It doesn't mean a thing.
For when you've crossed a pigeon's path,

You'll feel the crush of a pigeon's wing.

The pigeons are gonna getcha,
If you don't watch out.
(Coo, coo, coo.)
The next time you're out, you betcha,
You're gonna wanna scream and shout.
(Oh, oh, oh!)
You know when you least expect it,
You're gonna feel the drivin' rain.
(Yeah, yeah, yeah!)
Don't give us your poo
Cuz you know you
Will be getting it back again.
And again.
And again.
And again.

You know, hey, I'm really sorry.
I should have just cut and run.
(No, no, no!)
But when you made fun of me, well,
I had to show you all how it was done.
(Please, please, please!)
I think that you're really something.
It was envy, I just have to say.
(Not in the face.)
So if it please you well,
I guess that I'll just
Be going on my own way.



Chill, Bro, Chill

Chill, bro, chill.
It's not such a very big deal.
We feel what you feel.
So chill, bro, chill.

Keep it real.
All wounds will eventually heal.
We feel what you feel.
So chill, bro, chill.



Only Attractive People Go Out On A Saturday Night

Only attractive people
Go out on a Saturday night.
But they don't look happy,
Like they're just finishing up
With a god damn, knockdown, drag out fight.
Or is it just me,
Kinda ugly and free,
Sucking all the air out of sight?
Cuz only attractive people
Go out on a Saturday night.

But honey, I don't care.
Life's unfair.
Full of anger and strife.
And what does it matter
Since you don't love me, anyway?
But if you held my hand,
I could feel
A different kind of beauty inside.
And to feel that feeling
Would be good, I think.

Cuz only attractive people
Go out on a Saturday night.
But they don't look happy,
Like they're just finishing up
With a god damn, knockdown, drag out fight.
Or is it just me,
Kinda ugly and free,
Sucking all the air out of sight?
Cuz only attractive people
Go out on a Saturday night.
And only attractive people
Go out there on a Saturday night.



Pig Sty
(Rap song. Notes represent timing of lyrics.)

Well, you know you're gonna zoom-a
When you clean-a up your room-a
Cuz you're cuttin' out the tuma in your head.
Ha!
Cuz the filth is hittin' crisis
And you're knowin' what the vice is,
When the mold beneath your pillow starts to shed.
Yuk!

Hey, big sissa, don't be stressin'.
Little bruda be addressin'
Accusations of the mess in this here room.
Ya!
Troot, you be a-guilin'.
Little dirt won't hurt my stylin'.
When I'm here, I'm just a-smilin'. It's da boom.
Za!

Boom. Boom boom.
Da boom. Boom boom.
Da boom. Boom boom.
Da boom.

Boom. Boom boom.
Da boom. Boom boom.
Da boom. Boom boom.
Da boom.

Well, the truth I ain't no mean one.
Cuz you know that I'm the clean one.
Didn't mean no disrespect for what you said.
Boo!
You may think I'm kinda screwy,
But your socks are gettin' chewy.
And yo mama's yellin' sooey in your head.
Check it out, haa!

Sooey!
Sooey!
Sooey!
Here, pig, pig, pig, pig.

Well, big sis, I see da erra
Of my ways. You was da beara
Of good new.
So I'll be cleanin' right away.
Ya!

Well, don't know that I can trust ya.
But, little bro, don't wanna bust ya.
So I'll leave you now
With just these words to say.
Woooo!

Pig sty!
Pig sty!
Pig sty!

Here, pig, pig, pig, pig.



Sex In The Brain

They say that life's unfair,
That love's a dirty game.
But I can't help it.
But I can't help it, oo oo.
Thank god, for sex in the brain.
In the brain.
In the brain.

When you came here to me,
I knew that we could be
So like no other,
So with each other, oo oo,
In love, in life, in the game.
In the game.
In the game.

Then you did something bad.
Gave up all that we had.
Now you can't stay here.
Please go away, dear, oo oo,
And live your life in the rain.
In the rain.
In the rain.

They say that life's unfair,
That love's a dirty game.
But I can't help it.
But I can't help it, oo oo.
Thank god, for sex in the brain.
In the brain.
In the brain.



Wither Away

Some people you
Just want to screw
Or hammer or nail away.
With others you think,
It may take a drink
To make them look sort of OK.

Oh, why the disparity in sex appeal?
Oh, why do we feel what we feel?
It seems that we should
Only sleep with the good
And let the bad wither away.

Wither, oh wither, away, away.
Wither, oh wither, away.
It seems that we should
Only sleep with the good
And let the bad wither away.
Oh, and let the bad wither away.



Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy
(instrumental)



Boob Bottoms

Boob bottoms. Boob bottoms.
Boob bottoms. Boob bottoms.
Boob bottoms.




But Nobody Appreciates My Baby

When I was a young girl
Of just twenty-three,
My friends all got married and lived happily.
They raised their young families
In lives filled with joy.
A big house, a nice job, oh boy.

Look. See. She looks just like me,
Her eyes filled with starlight,
A wonder to see.
Her face is so lovely,
She must be brand new.
But nobody appreciates my baby.
But nobody appreciates my baby.

It happened, in an instant,
At twenty and four.
We were to be married, the man I adore.
But as the day drew near,
He started to roam.
And I was left all on my own.

Look. See. She looks just like me,
Her eyes filled with starlight,
A wonder to see.
Her face is so lovely,
She must be brand new.
But nobody appreciates my baby.
But nobody appreciates my baby.




My Baby Stinks

My baby stinks.
My baby stinks.
My baby stinks.
He's going in and out of style.
My baby stinks.
Another diaper on the pile.
My baby stinks.
It doesn't matter what he's got.
Sleeps a lot.
In a pot.
My baby stinks.
My baby stinks.

But my baby's diff'rent.
A whiff front and back
Will tell you immediately
What my baby lacks.

Your baby stinks.
There's no exception to the rule.
Your baby stinks.
His fumes could give a rocket ship its fuel.
Your baby stinks.
Please pull the blanket from your eyes.
There's no disguise.
He's attracting flies.
Your baby stinks.
Your baby stinks.

I just can't believe that
You'd say such bad things.
To hurt him on purpose
With the words that you sing.
Attacking him gleefully
At your every whim.
It's mean. It's cruel.
It's a big fat load of baby drool.

We have to go.
It's been a true delight, my dear,
To get to know
You better, understand you clearly.
And then so,
We're off, we're gone just like a bird
To leave you with
These few words.
Your baby stinks.
Your baby stinks.



It's A Little Pungent

It's a little pungent.
Baby, hear my plea.
It's a little pungent.
And a lot of me.

Baby, in the evening,
When the wind blows free,
It's a little pungent.
And a lot of me.

Oh, man.




Hey Neighbor

Hey neighbor, how's it goin'?
Seems like we're going to be all right.
Just fine and carefree-ee. To and froin'.
We're happy all through the day and night.



Why Can't We Be Bags Together?

I've got a bag.
You've got a bag.
Why can't we be bags together?
I've got a bag.
You've got a bag.
Why can't we be bags together?

My bag holds babies.
Your bag holds balls.
When we're together,
The baby will fall.

I've got a bag.
You've got a bag.
Why can't we be bags together?
I've got a bag.
You've got a bag.
Why can't we be bags together?



Every Jot, Every Tittle
(Lyrics in red type are spoken)

Every jot, every tittle,
Fills my mouth with lots of spittle.
Every tittle, every jot,
Fills my nose with snot.
Whot!

Fills my nose with snot.


Five O'Clock Shadow

She roughs me up. She roughs me down.
She roughs me all around the town.
For when my baby starts to sway,
She wants me down there every day.

That five o'clock shadow.
Five o'clock shadow.
That five o'clock shadow's
Got me singin' the blues.

Five o'clock shadow.
Five o'clock shadow.
That five o'clock shadow,
Ain't got nothin' to lose.




Moo Moo Moo Went The Cow Cow Cow
(Lyrics in red type are spoken)

Moo moo moo went the cow cow cow.
Moo moo moo went the cow.
"I want some milk," said the man.
Reached out, then "ouch!"
Take me home again.

Cluck cluck cluck went the hen hen hen.
Cluck cluck cluck went the hen.
"I want some eggs," said the man.
Reached out, then "ouch!"
Take me home again.

Oink oink oink went the pig pig pig.
Oink oink oink went the pig.
"I want some pork," said the man.
Reached out, then "oink!"
Take me home again.




You And I Will Never Be Stuck Inside A Teapot

You and I will never be
Stuck inside a teapot.
You and I will never be
Stuck inside a pea pod.

Teapot, teapot, teapot, teapot.
Stuck inside a teapot.
Pea pod, pea pod, pea pod, pea pod.
Stuck inside a pea pod.



It's All About Me


Me. It's all about me.
Me me me me me.
Dee dee dee dee dee.

For I.
I, I, I, I, I.
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Dee dee dee dee dee.



He's Tired
(keep repeating)

He's tired, tired, tired. Oh!
Do do do do do do.




The Gift Of Music

We're giving you the gift of music.
We're giving you the gift of song.
We hope that you,
That you can use it,
That you can use it
Your whole life long.

Oh well, I've got a note, my darling dear,
That tells of all the things you'd like to hear.
Of how my love is
Strong and deep and true.
And how my thoughts are filled
With dreams of you.
You'd skip a beat.
You'd skip a beat.




People Just Love Me
(Lyrics in red type are spoken)

People just love me.
People just do.
People just love me.
I don't know why but they do.

People just love me.
People just do.
People just love me, love me.
I don't know why but they . . .

People really hate you. They
Derive pleasure from your pain.
How could you think otherwise?
Can't you see that they despise you?
Say they love you, but they just
Want to see you sliding slowly
Into a big pile of dark regret.


People just love me.
People just do.
People just love me, love me.
I don't know why but they do.

People just love me.
People just do.
People just love me, love me.
I don't know why but they . . .
I don't know why but they . . .
I don't know why but they do.
Do. Do do do. Woo!



We're Just People, Too
(Lyrics in red type are spoken)

We're just people, too.
We're just people, too.
We know just what we like
And what we like to do.
Cuz we're just people, too.
Do. Do do do. Woo!



I've Got Nothing Left To Do

I've got nothing left to do,
Nothing left to say,
Nothing left to be
In my life.
As long as I am here with you,
I've nothing left at all.

The more I see,
The more I feel that
The things you want
Are nothing more than
Everything that you desired
In all your broken dreams.

But sacrificing others for
The things that make
Your life worth living
In a world that you desired
So many years ago.



I'm An Old Guy
(Lyrics in red type are spoken)

I'm an old guy.
I'm an old guy.
I'm a frog on a rock toad guy.
In the morning,
In the evening,
I'm just waiting here to die.
Woo!




Loch Lomond

You take the high road
And I'll take the low road
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye.
For me and my true love
Will never meet again . . .



all
pointless songs copyright (c) 2001 eric nakao, except "pick a bale of cotton" by traditional, minus spoken "ha's"; "my old kentucky home" by stephen c foster; "dance of the sugar plum fairy" (or fairies) by peter tchaikovsky; "loch lomond" by traditional; music for "but nobody appreciates my baby" related to "oh dear, what can the matter be" by traditional.

posted: september 21, 2005
song update: sunday, october 7, 2007, 1:30 PM ET
webpage update:
tuesday, march 10, 2009, 12:43 PM ET

 


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